Joe Sherlock makes me laugh:

“I’ve always thought that the TT coupe was Bütt-Ügli in a Nightmare on Bauhaus Street kind-of way.”

The trend of decorating your automobile for the holidays has gotten worse. Not only have do we have wreaths marketed for your car… they are pre-strung with lights that plug into the cigarette lighter. I’m pretty this is some precursor of the Apocalypse.

A couple weeks ago, Jalopnik posted about his dislike of this trend of the past decade or so. I, for the most part agree, but I have a confession to make. I may have been one that helped proliferate the trend. Please don’t hate me.

Most of my extended family is scattered across the country. Many of them have never even been to DC to visit my family’s home. My family has long since create our own surrogate family of friends with whom to spend Christmas.

One of aunts who at that time had never visited is known in my family to either give nice, appropriate gifts or complete zingers that leave you asking “What the fuck?” Every year it is a crap shoot which you’ll end up with. Well, Christmas about 17 years ago, my sophomore year of college, when it came time for my mother to open her present, she sevened out.

Let me describe my mother… she is a combination of Auntie Mame, Martha Stewart and Rose Kennedy. (Wonder why I’m gay now?) Her house looks like a decorator’s showcase. She is the ultimate hostess, always has some outrageously interesting hobby, and is generally one classy broad.

That said, her gift this year was a straw wreath wrapped in iridescent pinkish cellophane. She muttered something along the lines of “What in the hell am I gonna do with that?” and then tossed it aside. It ended up in the trash.

Later that day, my family spent Christmas dinner with some family friends. After several glasses of wine (because that’s what the holidays are really about… family and booze), my mother described her disappointing gift. We hauled it out the trash, and all had a bit of laugh.

For whatever reason, I just thought it would be funny to tie the wreath onto the grille of their daughter’s car (We were in both high school and college together.) Well, several weeks later, she was STILL driving around campus with the wreath.

Fast forward to Christmas next year… I walked out to my car to find that same wreath now tied onto the grille of my car. For the next few years that wreath would show up on our cars when we’d least expect it.

Strangely, this is one of my favorite Christmas memories.

If you haven’t noticed, in the past two weeks, the homos have hijacked the entire auto industry.

First, to the couple of you who are wondering why I haven’t posted in two weeks… yes, I’m fine. I’ve had a lot of personal and professional turbulence of late that has prevented me from keeping up with other blogs, in addition to neglecting my own. But all is OK.

Thing is, the news of the past two weeks has been especially appropriate for what this blog has become, as the worlds of automobiles and gay homosexuals have collided head on.

There was a post by Jalopnik which had me asking:

• Is a 4 inch butt plug the secret to rock-star blogging?


• What really is the point of this gay leasing company?

The gay leasing company… I just don’t see the point. There are some sites that provide pertinent information for gay consumers. A good example is GayWheels.com, which lists automakers that provide gay-friendly benefits. Though I clearly didn’t use this information (BMW doesn’t provide same-sex benefits), I know lots of people who factor these things into their purchasing decision. Simply labeling yourself a gay leasing company doesn’t provide any additional value to a gay consumer. In fact, I’ll probably stay away if you can offer me nothing more compelling than being a fag. That’s why concerns such as GayCar, MyGayRealtor, and the like are not really relevant to me.

Of course the BIG news was Ford pulling their ads from gay publications after meeting with the AFA. Apparently, some folks I work with actually read this thing (and I thought all those hits from our subnet was my vanity), and a couple have asked what I thought about the Ford/AFA situation, and why I haven’t posted on it.

Honestly, I wasn’t all that concerned about Ford’s decision. First, Ford wasn’t pulling their domestic partnership benefits, nor were they pulling their Volvo ads. I didn’t like Ford’s actions, but I understood it as a misguided attempt to give the AFA something to claim victory and stop their boycott, yet still maintain strong support for their gay employees. The compromise, of course, made NOBODY happy. Worse yet, their flip flop has put them back where they were beforehand, but with egg on their face.

I was actually more curious how other car bloggers, most of which are straight, would view Ford’s actions. I was pretty sure that Carpundit would be find Ford flat out wrong, but I wasn’t sure about whether the others would be supportive. Some of them are notoriously conservative, though gay politics rarely shows up in their blogs.

Taken as a whole, I’m impressed. All of my usual reads were critical of Ford, and had varying levels of support for gay consumers. Some like the more conservative Joe Sherlock, and Robert Farago explored the issue as a bad business move for Ford, while admonishing the AFA tactics. I’ve just started to get to know Joe at My Ford Dreams, but the debate that ensued in his comments showed me what a good guy he is. I’d like to buy him a beer sometime.

In fact, I’d like to buy the whole bunch of them a beer.

(Keeping the BMW puns going for Ed’s benefit.)

I knew those crazy Scots wouldn’t be the last. Even though Motor Trend picked the Civic, and the Europeans picked the Renault Clio (WTF?), Automobile Magazine has named the BMW 3-Series Automobile of the Year.

I just hate the chrome eyelids. Otherwise, I keep hearing such spectacular things about that car. I really need to don my fake mustache and make a poseur-test-drive.

I can’t figure out why I read Warren Brown’s reviews in the Post. I swore off Paul and Anita Lienert a long time ago, but somehow I still read Warren Brown every week. It’s probably because his reviews show up in my Sunday paper, but I wish someone would stop me.

Anyhow, this morning, I was hopeful that he would surprise me, especially since he was reviewing something that I am mildly curious about… the Jaguar X-Type Sportwagon. I’m usually pretty critical about the X-Type because of it’s shoddy roots, but I have a weird love affair with wagons. A Jaguar wagon could be one sexy beast if done correctly. I have yet to do a poseur-test-drive*, but the X-Type Sportwagon is on my list.

True to form this week, Warren prattles on about Desperate Housewives, failing to identify the car he is reviewing for half the article. Then, he doesn’t get into anything substantive until 2/3 of the way through. After reading the entire review, all I know is he thinks:

• there is too much plastic for a Jag (ummm… you can buy two for the price of an XJ… of course it will have a less ostentatious interior)
• there is good wet traction (ummm AWD… I hope so)
• the cargo is easily accessible (it’s a wagon… again, Warren, you’re stating the obvious)
• and the low end torque is a little wimpy (FINALLY! Something meaningful! I can’t believe I read half a page for that.)

* _{When I’m bored on a Saturday, I will occasionally act like I’m going to buy a car in order to test drive it, even though I have no intention of buying it.}

It’s official. Society has taken away all joy for me.

I like to drive. No… I love to drive and anyone who gets in my way will probably find the running lights of my car in their rear view mirror. Unfortunately, suburban sprawl is taking a huge, nasty, acidic leak in my Cheerios.

My folks live out in Reston, or Rest-home as I call it. Whenever we get the chance, my family will get together for a Sunday dinner. It’s lovely… we have cocktails and appetizers, and… well, more cocktails. My mother will apologize for such a pedestrian meal, and then serve perfectly grilled filet mignon, a spinach and fontina pasta with pancetta, salad greens with candied walnuts and dried cranberries… you get the idea. I had to get it from someone.

One of my great joys is to preface such a decadent meal by diverting myself down the scenic route, which is a little longer trip, but has lots and lots of twisties. Unfortunately, there was has been a lot of development along Georgetown Pike, and along with it, significantly increased traffic. 4 times out of 5, I will end up behind some tool driving less than 25 MPH in a 40 MPH zone. After being stuck behind many of these drivers, I’ve noticed most could easily take the much faster, but less entertaining, Leesburg Pike. What kills me is that they will start braking half-way through a curve, when they should have been on the accelerator.

My only comfort has been that when I head to Shepherdstown to visit my sister, I can take another scenic route through the mountains. Well, the development of the eastern West Virginia panhandle has scuttled that route also. For the third consecutive time, I ended up behind some neurotic mess traveling less than 30 MPH in a 50.

I realize the mountain roads are intimidating for some, but there are those of us who seek them out. If you see a gray BMW who falls way behind you on a straight away, only to end up on your tail by the end of a curve… that’s me. I’m not trying to be an asshole, just wishing I could drive the roads the way they beg to be. And if you are feeling generous, move a little onto the shoulder to let me pass. It would make my day.